I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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