I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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