pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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