What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
