Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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