1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
