hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just google imaged poop.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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