we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
