i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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