You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
