i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
