Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
