i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
