I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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