Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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