Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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