ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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