The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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