Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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