at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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