ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
