It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
