My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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