Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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