Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
