Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
we're so committed to being not committed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
