he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
