If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize