can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
