just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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