I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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