All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My life is pants optional.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize