running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
