JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My pussy is not your playground.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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