Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize