Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
