You're completely useless in the revolution.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
