I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you win again, gameday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
