Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
