my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
