You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize