Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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