I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
