the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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