he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
