Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
