He kissed a someone with a penis
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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