You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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