like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He better not be in your backpack
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
