We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
