I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
