Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So. Much. Porn.
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