do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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