At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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