While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
