He told me they were just razor bumps!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
