I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
