I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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