Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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