I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
