We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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