youre lurking in front of me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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