I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
