I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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