Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
