just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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