We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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