He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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