His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
