I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
